This is a topic that a lot of people talk about and not talk about all in the same conversation.
I remember feeling this way, and along this amazing journey of mine I learned a whole lot about forgiveness and what it really means.
Just like everything else, forgiving means something very different to someone else.
To keep names and places confidential, I am going to call this person "8"
8 & I were in a social setting laughing about a movie that we had both seen and another person walks up and said hello to 8, they both stood looking awkward at each other and then the other person walked away. Clearly 8 has an issue with the person that just said hi. Without a word in 8 turns to me and this is how it all went down.
8 - I have a problem with that person, I forgive that person, but I will never forget.
Me - Wait, how do you forgive but not forget. That kind of defeats the purpose of forgiveness.
8 - Well, I forgive them but I mean I will never trust them again.
Me - okay but I still I don't understand how this is forgiving?
8 - This is what I mean, I forgive them, they did wrong, they know they are wrong, and they have to live with what they did and I am right and they suck.
Me - Umm...
8 - So it is like this, I was always good to this person, gave everything and then they do this.
So while 8 is talking, 8 is clearly getting angrier talking about it, cutting me off and then shuts down.
8 - Can we just talk about something else! Please!
Me - umm.
8 - Seriously how do you stay so calm around people that have hurt you?
Me - It is called forgiveness my friend. I am not talking oh I forgive you, blah blah blah, I mean, true forgiveness! Like I rather be happy then keep the thought of what they did or did not do inside of me. Besides 8, what someone else does or does not do, has absolutely nothing to do with me. Look, when someone does something to me that is clearly immature or wrong or whatever, it has nothing to do with me it is a clear refection of what they feel about themselves inside. Besides, if it was not me it would be someone else. Don't take it so personal.
8 - Seriously Sheri, what does that even mean, if someone does you wrong you don't get mad?
Me - Well I am human I may think about it for a second, see it for what it is and ask myself, does it matter what this person's says or does to me? Are they that influential in my life that I need to get worked up? By question 1 I have already redirected my thoughts, like I always say to you 8, and remember that this is not my shit. Nothing they do or say to me has anything to do with me. It is what they can't deal with inside. I do not take it personal.
8 - That is the stupidest thing I have heard.
Me - It maybe to you, and that is all good, because right now you do not understand, but one day you will and you will be free. You see my friend, forgiveness is about freedom. The more you hold onto what this person did or did not do for you, you hold onto the energy. And here is the secret..... that energy is why you can't get past yourself. That energy is why we were just laughing and now you are red and angry. That energy is making you sick, not them, you. I forgave myself in many situations and I am happier than I have ever been before. I have distanced myself from those types of people because they are not for my highest good and when I do see them, i have no issues, no hard feelings, I smile and have compassion for them. They have no idea what freedom feels like.
8 - Sheri! You always do this!
Me - What?
8 - Think.
Me - Because you know it is the right idea.
8 - Okay so I guess I'm going to need you to help me do this forgiveness crap.
Me - Ha! Ummm, let me think about that...chuckling YES.
Be kind my friends. Stop holding onto memories that hurt, move forward with forgiveness and understanding. Show the world the amazing you. Gain your inner strength, buckle down, honor yourself and your needs, find a mentor that can show you what your highest good looks like and go get it!
You wish will comes true, all those feelings go away and you have an amazing life, all with one act...Forgiveness.
Namaste my friends